


searching low in the night

by saltfics



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, Missing Persons, Sad with a Happy Ending, Swearing, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23864290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltfics/pseuds/saltfics
Summary: “Just say it's okay. I just need to hear you say that.”Henry steps outside for just a second, but when Alex goes to find him, he finds only empty streets and an excrutiating feeling of dread in his place.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 25
Kudos: 230





	searching low in the night

This paranoia is not good for him. But is it really paranoia when it’s perfectly warranted? Henry left twenty minutes ago,  _ twenty whole minutes ago, _ to take out the trash. How long could it possibly take him to go down to the curb, find the bin that’s right around the corner, toss the damn trash and return home? It’s not like Henry  _ knows _ anyone else here, so the unlikely scenario of him getting stuck chit-chatting with someone is doing nothing to calm him down.

Alex waits. And waits. And waits. And—okay, screw that. He’s going down there.

David whines when Alex nears the door to the apartment and he spares a moment to scratch the top of his head. “Don’t worry, I’ll go get him, buddy.” But David doesn’t ease up. He whines, the sound longer and more weepy than Alex has heard it before. It makes his stomach churn. 

He  _ must _ be imagining it. Even if something bad did happen (it didn’t, it  _ couldn’t _ , there’s no way Alex is going to believe that), David can’t know that in any reasonable way. He’s just… imagining things.

He takes the stairs two at a time, hoping he’ll run into Henry on the way down. But he’s nowhere to be found.

He’s not there when Alex steps out into the curb. He’s not there when Alex calls his name into the night. What time is it even?

The cold is biting against his too thin t-shirt; he didn’t think to take a coat, didn’t expect to go any further than the front door to tease Henry and drag his ass back inside. Except Henry  _ is not there _ .

“Fuck.  _ Fuck _ .” He starts towards the garbage bins, his hands wrapped around himself for warmth.

He considers going back inside to call an agent to come with him, but the idea sounds ridiculous. It’s a minute away. He’s not going to call someone just for that. (And, the more irrational part of his brain supplies, the one that rung the alarm bell when Henry took too long to come back, if something bad did happen, the thought of wasting time going back makes his skin crawl). His phone is in his pocket. If something… if something is wrong he’ll call for help.

Henry’s not by the bins. Alex is about to start screaming.

A dog barks in the distance and cars pass him by every minute or so. The sounds of a city he loves seem to mock him tonight, when the only thing he wants to hear is Henry’s voice, his laugh behind him, teasing him for getting worried, kissing away his anger, his fear, the pain anxiety leaves in his guts.

“H-Henry?” Alex tries, surprised to find his voice shaking. It sounds feeble in the muted street, and the lack of response echoes back to him, deafening in its implication. “ _ HENRY! _ ” The word cracks, falls back down his throat like broken glass and it  _ hurts.  _ It hurts to breathe, it hurts to think. His eyes dart around in a panic, and he doesn’t realize he’s pulling at his hair until it starts to sting.

Okay, okay, he needs to focus. What does he know? What can he do?

  1. He can’t find Henry.
  2. He’s gone.
  3. Henry’s fucking missing.
  4. He won’t respond, he can’t contact him.
  5. He can’t find him.
  6. He can…
  7. ????



Fuck. Fuck it all.  _ Fuck. _

“HENRY!”

Alex pulls the phone from his pocket with trembling hands and tries to hit the speed-dial. The moment he presses the button, he sees it, there in the corner. A small alley. Exactly the kind of bullshit place where the bad things happen in movies. And hell, this? Alex screaming Henry’s name in an empty street feels enough like the kind of movie he will never  _ ever _ watch again after this. He’s desperate and freaking out and he doesn’t have time to think it through before he runs towards it.

The phone rings in his hand. Cash’s voice comes through in two beats; he finds some comfort in the confident professionalism, even if he doesn’t quite register what the man says.

“Cash, I can’t….” The words get stuck around the lump in his throat. No matter how many times he’s thought it, no matter how loud and obnoxious the thought is, painful and piercing like nails dragging on chalkboard, if he  _ says _ it then it’s true. And it can’t be true. It just can’t. There’s no way.

Because Henry was right there.

Twenty minutes ago Henry was in his arms. And now…

“Alex?”

Now…

“I… I can’t find Henry.”

Cash reaches him two minutes later, deep into the alley, sitting down with his back against the moldy brick wall, his knees hugged close to his chest. He’s rocking back and forth, trying to keep his breaths even until help arrives.

He had four different scenarios in his mind when he dropped his phone and rushed into the alley. He even imagined he’d find him dead, and he almost spiraled midway through the run there at the violent, uncalled for image his mind conjured for him. But Alex found nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing nothing nothing nothing.

Cash gets to him first, placing a hand on his shoulder, talking to him, asking if he’s all right. 

He doesn’t respond.

Alex notices Shaan behind him, talking on the phone, tension radiating off of him in waves. He catches his gaze for a moment, and Alex straightens, eyes wide, hoping for a precious, vulnerable second that he’ll have the answer to make this right. Shaan always takes care of Henry, always. He’d know how to fix it.

But Shaan presses his lips together and says nothing.

A sob claws up his throat, tearing long painful lines on its way out, forcing a wave of tears from his eyes. They burn on their way down his cheeks, and through his blurred vision, all he can see is the vaguely Shaan-shaped figure turning away from him to keep talking on the phone.

“Look at me!” he yells, without thinking. He blinks the tears away, but they don’t stop. They just won’t stop. Alex wipes frantically at them, leaving grimy fingerprints on his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he sobs. “I’m sorry, just—Just say it's okay. I just need to hear you say that.”

He must have done it now. Broken the universe. Because Shaan—polished, eloquent, perfect Shaan **\--** is gaping at him. That’s not right, though. Alex didn’t break the world. It already spun out of turn when Henry didn’t come home. This wasn’t his world, this was a goddamn nightmare and Alex very much needed to wake up, even if it meant getting the equerry to beat it out of him.

Shaan comes to kneel in front of him, looking like there’s a hundred other things he should be doing. And guilt burns white-hot in his stomach when he realizes his little tantrum is taking their attention away from the real problem. They should be focusing all their energy on Henry, he  _ needs _ them, and Alex just goes and does  _ this _ . “I-I…”

“We’ll find him,” Shaan says and goes back to his work.

It takes Alex all of two minutes to realize he never said it’ll be okay.

That’s when he really starts crying and he shakes off everyone who’d dare waste their time doing something about it.

* * *

Four hours pass. Alex is whisked off back to the apartment. They want to put him in a safe-house, but he adamantly refuses. If Henry comes back he needs  _ to be here, dammit.  _ They argue that if someone did take Henry, he probably knows where they live, but Alex stopped listening after the word ‘take’, his mind clattering in its attempt to process the idea.

Logically, he knows that’s the most reasonable explanation.

There’s no fucking logic about this.

His mother calls him. She asks to tell her what happened and Alex manages a total of five words before his brain gives out entirely, exhaustion and fear and an all-encompassing panic rendering him speechless and terrified and so, so small. “Mom, I’ve  _ lost him _ .”

David comes to his feet, crying. Alex picks him up and cries too, head pressed on his fur, as David alternates between painful little puppy sobs and licking whatever exposed skin of Alex that he finds, so he can at least help one of his humans tonight. Somehow the idea that he gets to be comforted by Henry’s pup, when he’s out there alone, or worst case scenario, decidedly  _ not  _ alone, makes him feel even worse. He cries harder.

He’s not sure he ever stops crying.

Nora comes over. She’s the closest one to him and she spends the night, holding him close, stroking his hair away from his face. Alex falls asleep. And he wakes up. Again and again, in broken patterns, fitful and restless and choked up with nightmares. She’s there each time and he manages to hold himself together in her presence at first. But then David jumps on his bed, buries his face on Alex’s stomach, and Alex  _ loses _ it.

When he starts to apologize to the dog, Nora drags him out of the bed and into the kitchen to get him something to eat. The night passes like this, in bits and pieces, and he hopes that he won’t remember most of this in the morning.

Sometime around six a.m., he stirs again from another restless sleep. He and Nora have ended up asleep on the couch, David tucked in on Alex’s chest. And there’s always this one moment when he wakes up. For a second, in that hazy state between sleep and reality, he forgets where he is, he forgets what happened and his stupid, traitorous, masochistic mind allows him to believe that last night was the dream, and though he wakes up with tears in his eyes, Henry will be there to kiss them away, hold him close. And Alex, fresh with a fear so vivid, will promise to love him for a lifetime and never let go, because this nightmare was too much to bear and he doesn’t know what he’ll do if it was ever real.

That’s when he wakes up to the sky crashing down on his chest, stealing his breath, his heart, what remains of his sanity.

He breathes through it. He can breathe through it, come on. He needs to be there. He needs to be present. Henry needs him. His nails claw into the couch cushions and he scrunches his eyes shut, trying to breathe, even if the very notion of counting his breaths reminds him of Henry, of that night where he had to talk him down from a panic attack, and oh God, what if he’s alone and scared and Alex can’t even—

David whimpers, anxious. Alex is about to apologize for stressing him out when he jumps down from the couch, bolting for the door. He barks and hops and scratches at the door, letting out a painful cry. Alex wants to join him. 

“I’m sorry, buddy. I’m sorry. Your daddy will—he’ll be back soon, okay? We’ll make sure of it, won’t we?”

David growls softly. Is he… annoyed with him?

Nora stirs on the couch. “What’s going on?” she asks, rubbing at her eyes.

David runs for the window. He jumps, trying to press his nose against the glass, and barks twice, full of energy, before whimpering again when Alex doesn’t seem to get it.

He follows the dog to the window, anyway, hoping the attention will help him settle down.

It takes a moment for his mind to catch up to his sense of sight. His hands fumble with the window lock, failing twice to open it. He all but jumps out through it when he finally manages to push the glass back.

“ _ Henry! _ ” he screams, tears already flowing from his eyes.

There he is. That  _ motherfucker. _ Fucking shit. He loves him so much. His chest feels about to burst.

He barely notices Nora moving to his side, doesn’t register her gasp, until she pushes him towards the door.

Alex’s legs shake as he takes the stairs two at a time to the bottom , where… where Henry is still there, he’s still there. His knees almost buckle at the sight of him. For those agonizing few seconds between tearing his gaze away from the window to reaching the entrance of the building, he almost convinced himself Henry would disappear again.

He’s there, looking upset and pale and confused, but he’s whole and beautiful and  _ there _ . And the sky seems to open up with brilliant, golden sunlight above them to send blessings down to Alex, because Henry sees him and a hesitant smile tugs ay his lips like an eighth goddamn wonder of the universe.

The questions can wait, the anger can fuck right off with his fear and leave them both alone. For now, all he needs is Henry in his arms and he goes for it. He all but tackles him into a hug, but he manages to wrap his arms around Henry’s neck himself, before Henry leans down to accommodate him. Alex is swearing up a storm, with just as many declarations of love and endearing nicknames shoved in between. He’s crying freely and he tastes the tears in his smile, but Henry’s body is pressed against him and he swears he can feel his frantic beats where their hearts meet. Alex doesn’t quite remember how to let go.

“Alex…” Henry whispers, his breath brushing against his skin. “Love, I’m so sorry…” Alex is torn halfway between wanting to hear his voice for the rest of all his waking moments and the undeniable desire to pull those lips onto his and kiss him until they can’t breathe.

He fully intends to go for the second one, but when he pulls away and grabs a handful of blond locks between his fingers, Henry hisses. Alex flinches back as if struck.

He studies him better now, his instant relief tainted with budding concern. Henry does look paler, his features drawn with tension. Something peeks behind his messed-up hair and Alex reaches out with all the care in the world to push his wayward tufts away from his face. He gasps at the sight of a bandage there, a red stain visible despite the thick material. And he notices it all now. The scratches on his cheek, the way his shoulder is tucked in slightly, and how his weight is leaning on one leg more than the other.

Henry frowns, his mouth twisted into an apologetic smile.

“Baby, what happened to you?”

“As it turns out, I am exceedingly unlucky,” he tries to go for a laugh, but it comes out weak. He shifts his weight slightly, the gesture carving lines of pain into his face.

“Are you hurt?” Alex asks, like it isn’t obvious. “Do you want to sit down?”

He jumps out of his own skin when he hears Shaan’s voice from behind Henry. He didn’t even notice him. “Perhaps it would be better if you took this conversation inside.” He sees the car behind him; Shaan must have delivered him home.

Henry gives a tense little nod and gratefully accepts Alex’s hand to help him up the stairs when he starts limping.

After a lot of effort, most of it on Henry’s part, which makes Alex’s heart clench in sympathy, they manage to deposit him onto the couch.

Nora hugs him for two whole minutes, though by the time she pulls her face away from Henry’s good shoulder, nothing seems out of place about her expression. She warns him not to do that again because Alex’s heart can’t take the strain (which is true, as much as she meant to tease) and excuses herself to make some calls and let everyone know they’re okay.

David, uncaring of any injuries, climbs Henry the moment Nora releases him and remains firmly settled in his arms, shifting only every so often to lick at his face or nuzzle his neck. Alex, who very much wished to hug Henry for the next week, refuses to admit he might be a little jealous.

“Alex, I’m so  _ so  _ sorry. I cannot even imagine—If it was you, I don’t know what I would have… I’m so sorry.”

Henry’s voice wavers and cracks. His blue eyes glimmer with unshed tears. He looks tired, a little frightened, and Alex wouldn’t dream of being mad at him, even if his reason for not calling turns out to make no sense.

He watches the spot where Henry’s lips tremble, leaning closer towards him. “Can I kiss you?”

“ _ Always _ .”

Alex doesn’t push too much into it, now aware of the tension in his body, the way he reacts to every shift of his head. He gives him a gentle, lingering kiss, soft as a breeze, and looks up to him with honest concern in his eyes. “Henry, what the hell happened to you last night?”

“I… I got in an accident?” Although he’s obviously figured that much from the bandages, Alex’s stomach still lurches to his throat at the words. “It was so stupid. Some guy lost control of his car and, well… swerved right into me.”

Alex swears loud enough to startle a whine out of David. “ _ What _ ? What do you— What the  _ hell,  _ Henry? Did this happen right outside our building?” Henry nods. “Fuck.  _ Shit _ .”

“Alex…” He reaches a hand towards him, and Alex takes it in both of his own, squeezing once.

“Sorry. Sorry. Go on.”

“Well… err, I don’t really remember much of it. I don’t even remember the accident. I’ve  _ definitely _ hit my head,” he says with a wince. “They told me the guy tried to wake me but it took too long and then I was completely disoriented, so he just… led me to his car, apparently, and drove me to the nearest emergency room. Alex, are you okay?”

“I’m trying.” Alex breathes deeply through his nose, clutching Henry’s hand. His imagination tries to fill in the blanks and it makes him nauseated. Careful not to jostle him too hard, he slips an arm around Henry’s shoulders to pull him closer against him. He shuts his eyes, trying to shake off the images. Henry, on the pavement, a large gash along his forehead. Henry, touched and prodded, yet not stirring.  _ His _ Henry, confused and scared and alone, being driven off to a hospital without a familiar face to comfort him. “I love you so fucking much,” Alex says, hiding his face in Henry’s hair.

“I love you too. I’m so sorry I worried you, love.”

“Why didn’t you call?”

“Alex, I swear, I was so out of it, I don’t even remember it right now. I don’t think I was in a position to give out phone numbers.” He pulls him a little tighter still. Henry slips lower on the couch to rest his head against Alex’s shoulder, ever-so-careful not to move too much.

Alex draws lines on Henry’s arm with his fingers, smiling when he feels him shudder. “Okay, but why didn’t you tell them your name then?”

“I did.”

He pauses. “Then why—”

“They didn’t believe me.”

A beat passes. Two. “Oh,  _ come on _ .”

All of the torture of that previous night, all that terror that he’s sure will continue to give him nightmares for a long, long time... Alex is not sure whether to laugh or cry, but Henry chuckles softly under him, so despite the frustration that’s building inside him, he shakes his head and smiles too.

“I’m  _ sorry _ . Apparently something about a concussed man wearing pyjama-bottoms saying he’s the bloody prince of England didn’t sit right with them,” Henry laughs, the sound shaky with relief and the fading leftover anxiety. “Shaan must have called every hospital in the area and found me eventually.”

Alex makes a mental note to thank the man later. Maybe apologize again for yelling at him.

They remain quiet for a moment, just basking in each other’s presence, feeling their bodies shift against each other with each breath. The rush from finally being reunited is starting to fade. Alex feels the exhaustion begin to take hold, opening the back door for all the emotional backlash to be unleashed onto him. He fights back, biting harsh on his lips, hugging his boyfriend close and focusing on the shared warmth between them. But he takes a long inhale and it comes out  _ broken _ . “ _ Henry _ ,” he chokes.

Henry startles. He wastes no time in switching their positions, sitting up to hide Alex in his chest instead. Long fingers tangle themselves in dark curls and Alex melts against him. Henry continues to stroke his hair, whispering apologies and sweet-nothings into his ear.

_ “ _ It’s okay, it’s okay, love. I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m not going anywhere. I’m all right, we’re both all right. We’re here together. We’re home. We’re safe. I love you. I love you so much…”

And they’ll stay like this. Until they have to field dozens of calls. Until June shows up at the door because she started traveling as soon as she could and the fact that they found Henry only means she’ll get to hug him when she arrives. Henry will feel bad and he’ll apologize again and again and everyone will tell him that they’re just glad he’s safe. The sincere love in their voice will crack something inside of him too. They’ll stay like this for as long as they want, because there’s nowhere else they’d rather be at any moment than each other’s arms, safe and sound.

“For what it’s worth, this was a really shitty way for you to get out of garbage duty.”

“I can still go—”

“Like I’d  _ let  _ you.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> This was based off a tumblr prompt but it ran too long so I posted it here ^^; I hope you liked it! I'm (probably) still taking them, so find me under the name @saltfics.
> 
> For anyone reading 'in white' that also got an update yesterday, so check that out~ And if you're not then... well, go read it now.
> 
> I originally thought of writing an actual multi-chap, heavy-angst *missing* fic, but eventually switched it to this. Maybe some other time. Let me know what you thought of this version!


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